Tears of happiness
by Avitha
Summary: Susan's revelation after the death of her siblings.


Susan's POV

As I look around all I find is sorrow and sadness. My siblings are gone. They were killed in a train wreck with my cousin, a professor I once knew, and a woman friend of theirs. I saw my father standing with my mother in his arms; she hadn't stopped crying since it happened.

When I awoke this morning to ready myself for the funeral I remembered the last words that my younger brother Edmund said to me, "Why do you wear that makeup all the time? You look so beautiful without it. With the makeup it hides your true beauty." I had just scoffed at him and worn it anyway. But today, for once, I didn't feel the need to put it on.

I went to my closet to find a dress to wear and noticed almost all my dresses were black. It should have been easy to pick on out, but as I looked them over I remembered something my older brother Peter had told me, "That dress you are going out in seems very inappropriate, I'm sorry Sue but I don't approve of it. What happened to the more modest dresses you used to wear?" I had yelled back at him saying that this is the type of dress that everyone was wearing now a days and that he needed to stop being so old-fashioned. The hurt that crossed his face tore at my heart, but I was too stubborn to take my words back and I wore the dress anyways. I looked in the back of my closet and found a long greyish blue dress that I had loved to wear, it used to be my grandmothers and mom never had a chance to wear it so she gave it to me. I had never actually worn it before other than trying it on waiting for the perfect moment to wear it. I hoped that it wasn't too small; I hadn't tried it on in almost 4 years. I took the dress out and slipped into it. It fit perfectly like it was made for me just at this moment.

I went to look in the mirror and saw a different person looking back at me the little differences in clothing and makeup; it made look older and more sophisticated. As I was starting to do my hair something my sister Lucy said came back to me, "My Susan, your hair is getting so long." I had replied by saying that I was thinking of cutting it. She had told me that I shouldn't that it was so beautiful long. I had decided not to cut it but I never let my hair down again always having it up and out of my way. My sister was sad that I never let my hair down but it didn't matter to me at the time. With this memory I decided to let my hair down out of the bun it was in and brushed it out. I was surprised when it fell to the back of my legs; it had been so long since I had had my hair down that I had never really realized how long it really was. I pulled the sided of my hair behind my ears and pinned it back out of my face and loosely braided it down my back.

As I stepped out of my room to go down stairs I stopped my each of my sibling's room and went inside. Lucy's room was a light blue color with soft blues and purples throughout. It was clean and smelled of sunflowers, Lucy's favorite flower. I then went into Edmund's room it was also clean and had very little in it. The walls were white and it smelled like pine trees and rain. If I didn't know any better I would say that his room looked like a military bunk. Then I went into Peter's room, I was not surprised to see clothes on the floor and the bed unmade. I laughed at how messy the room was, Peter had never been one to think of himself or his things before others and that resulted in Peter always being a mess. As I was thinking I found that I was cleaning up his room like I always used to. The sun poured in through his window. I looked up and saw the most magnificent sight I had seen in a while. Last Christmas Lucy, who was the artist in the family, made a stained glass portrait of a lion, for my brother, which was so beautiful that it looked alive. He had hung the picture up in front of the window so that when the light came through it lit up the painting. It let out warmth that was more than just the sun, but I didn't have much time to think about it as that was when mother called me to come downstairs.

As I came back from my thoughts to the funeral session I didn't feel sadness, sorrow, or pain at the thought that my siblings were gone but I felt a loss, one that I would never get back. My siblings were a part of me and I had let them down. I had ignored them and their love for me. The times that they tried to help me I brushed off as annoying and pestering. How I had been wrong. Why did it take them leaving me for me to realize who I really was?

But wait what a strange memory:

*flashback*

It was our seventh year in our reign. Peter and Edmund were going out to war against the northern giants that had been plundering the borders of Narnia to the north. I was fearful of their lives and couldn't seem to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. Edmund saw me crying and came to talk to me before he left.

He was now twenty years old and 2 in. taller than Peter at 6 ft. 3 in. He came to me and cupped my face into his hand. "Susan, do not cry for our wellbeing, for we go out today to rid the country that we love of the evil and horrors that these great beings have put upon them." He paused as he saw that I was crying harder. I couldn't seem to get the image of my brother's bodies bloodied and dead out of my mind. Edmund started to speak to me again calming my fears," Sue, do not fear for what is yet to come, be joyful in what has already taken place." I must have had a confused look on my face because next thing I knew he was laughing at me. "What I mean to say dear sister mine, is that even if I or my brother should die you need not despair. You need not fear every being alone for as long as you remember our love and devotion to you, we will always be with you in your heart." He then hugged me and told me how much he loved me and that he would try his best to come back to us.

From that day forward any wars that my brothers partook in did not make me fear the worst, but remember the best. For where there is love in my heart there will my brothers be also.

*end flashback*

I now had tears running down my face, not the tears of sorrow that had been shed by many people this day but the tears of joy and happiness of the remembrances of my family. For they were not gone they were in a better place. I had been angry that I was left alive without my family. I felt that I should have died instead of them. I no longer felt that way, instead I felt as if I was still alive so that my sibling's through me would also stay alive.

Because of this trial I found who I really was and I did not lose my family for the only time you truly lose your family is when you forget their love. They reminded me of their love and because of that I had not lost them but found myself. I remembered who I really was. I was Queen Susan the Gentle. There is a phrase, once said by The Great Lion Himself; Once a King or Queen of Narnia always a King or Queen of Narnia.


End file.
